I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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