I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Boobs are out for the taking
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
