yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
