he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
