haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
