you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
