Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
