I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
