Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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