$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
