Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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