So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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