I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
