shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
