Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
