Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's blow job season.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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