I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize