Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Randomize
