haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
