a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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