I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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