Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
