just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
