Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
