I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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