High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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