I'm passing your future prison.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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