before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
