I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
