the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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