You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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