Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
