I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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