you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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