You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
