I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
