Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
