Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
