Just cropdusted the office
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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