dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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