Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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