You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
