I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Say something about gay babies.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
