im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I got inside last night via doggy door
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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