I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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