This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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