Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I intend to get homeless drunk
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
