how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
