I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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