Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
