We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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